


The Fever

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Snips - Freeform, skyguy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 04:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18328319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Well this started with a silly idea and turned into a week-long project. But it's a one shot, a long one.The Chancellor attempts to mind control Anakin, but in a surprise turn of events, he is stunned by his former captain and delivered not to the healing wards but to his former padawan who had been away from the order for a year. While Anakin fights for control of his body again, Ahsoka is forced to take care of him and their child, the one she'd never told him about.Will they survive the repercussions of what happened and have a future? Will they both get what they want? Will they be able to stop the Chancellor from reviving the long dead Empire or will he win and take Anakin away from them for good?





	The Fever

**Author's Note:**

> So it's a Rey theory variant that started with this kind of a joke drawing of mine: https://www.instagram.com/p/BvZIv2lAoq5/
> 
> And ends with this one: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvwwz8LAQq1/
> 
> (Not to promote myself, but if you follow me on instagram I also post updates on my insta stories for when the next chapter of stories are posted)

            “Master Kenobi? Rex? Anakin?” she asked, looking up in surprise when the three of them entered Nyx’s shop. Well, Obi wan and Rex had walked in, but they’d been supporting Anakin between them. “What’s going on? What happened?” She quickly dropped the parts she was working on and wiped her hands on her work apron and ran to them, touching Anakin softly on the cheeks, grateful to feel he was still alive. Not that she’d believed they’d bring him here if he was dead, but the war was getting crazy, who could be sure anymore?

            She caught his head when they went to set him down on the floor as she sunk down and let it rest on her knees. “He was wearing a shirt that said if he was lost to return to you. Rex said it was a good idea. So, if you would, please sort him out,” Obi wan said, sounding slightly out of breath. She looked between them and back at Anakin in confusion.  _Sort him out? What did they mean by that?_  Before she could ask though, Rex nodded to her and they both left the shop.

            She took a deep breath and waved a hand over him, flinching as she got blasted by dark energy.  _Oh. Oh no… Anakin…_  She hadn’t seen any of them for a year and then they waltz in here and leave him in her care like she somehow had some magical cure for whatever had happened. She didn’t know if she should be grateful or upset. No that wasn’t true, she was both. Upset at the Jedi and his master for just washing their hands of him because he’d become a problem. But grateful, grateful he was here and that they truly believed she was the one that could help him.

            “I heard voices, who were you talking…” Nyx trailed off as he glanced over the railing and saw her on the floor, still holding Anakin. She curled her lips nervously as he started making his way down the stairs. How could she explain this? She didn’t want Nyx knowing the truth. Any of the truth for that matter. “Who is that?”

            “Uh…” she started hesitantly. Then she moved her knees out from under his head, setting it gently on the floor so she could stand up. “He’s an old friend. He’s going to be staying with us for a few days.”

            “What?” Nyx asked in annoyance. “I told you, you could stay. Not everyone you’ve ever met.”

            “Oh, give me a break,” she said in frustration as she worked Anakin’s arm around her shoulders and heaved him up. But he was unbelievably heavy for as skinny as he was without being able to use the force, which she didn’t dare to do while Nyx was standing there. “He’s sick, I need to take care of him.”

            “He looks wasted to me.”

            “He’s  _sick,_ ” she emphasized again. “And I  _have_  to help him.”

            “And what about Ashla?” Nyx crossed his arms, but didn’t move, despite very deliberately standing in her path to the stairs.

            “What about her?” she huffed, struggling to hold Anakin’s weight and getting increasingly agitated with Nyx being so stubborn.

            “If he’s that  _sick_ , how are you going to take care of both of them?”

            “I’ll manage,” she grunted, wishing he’d get a hint and get out of the way. She stopped in front of him and looked at him expectantly and he begrudgingly moved.

            “Why is this so important to you?” Nyx asked, following her up the stairs.

            “I told you, he’s a friend,” she said, struggling to catch her breath. This would be so much easier if Nyx would go away so she could use the force.

            “Some friend,” he muttered. “I’ve known you for a year now and he’s never come around. But then what? He just appears out of nowhere and passes out, expecting you to take care of him?”

            “Don’t you have parts to polish or something?” She’d finally made it to her own door, but Nyx was still following.

            “This is  _my_  shop and I want to know what’s going on,” he said stubbornly.

            “I’ll tell you, someday…” she sighed. “But right now, I need to take care of him.”

            “Yeah, you’ve been saying that, but you still won’t say why.”

            She elbowed the button into her room and dragged Anakin through the doorway. “Not now, Nyx.”

            “But…” She closed the door between them and waved her hand in front of the locking mechanism. There was nothing she could possibly say to Nyx to make him understand and right now all she cared about was Anakin. 

            She didn’t really know a lot about dark side corruption, but she’d always assumed you could still think and control your behavior. Dooku had been able to, so had Ventress. It didn’t inhibit their ability to be rational, even if she strongly disagreed with their views of the matter. But she hadn’t been lying to Nyx, even if she couldn’t explain to him the full extent of what was going on, Anakin  _was_  sick. Very sick. Holding him against her all the way up the stairs, he’d felt flushed as though he had a fever or had somehow gotten overheated. And she could only assume, he’d lost his ability to think rationally or Obi Wan and Rex wouldn’t have been forced to stun him and bring him here in such a manner. 

            She’d seen him corrupted by the dark side once before, but very briefly. She could still remember the tainted stench that burned her senses like a foul smell might burn your nostrils. He’d been warm then too, as though the very energy was electric not just to those around you but also overcharging yourself. She wished they’d given her more explanation as to what had caused this, or how likely his behavior would become erratic when he was conscious again. Whatever happened, she could handle it, but admittedly, she probably should have had Nyx take Ashla out of the room. 

            Now that she had privacy, she could boost her strength and carry him much more effortlessly over to her bed. She laid him down as carefully as she could manage. She wasn’t sure what she’d be facing when he awoke, but for now, she needed to take care of his body and get the fever under control. 

            She removed his boots and set them off to the side, then his gloves and his belt. She took his lightsaber and hid it in a drawer for now. Then she folded up his leather tabards and removed his outer robe.

            Ashla started fussing as she headed into her bathroom to run a cloth under cold water. She hurried back out and tried to shush her, so he didn’t wake up to a crying baby. She wasn’t exactly sure she was ready to tell him about their child, unless of course, he was more rational when he awoke. But she had little choice in the matter since she couldn’t refuse to care for him. 

            Ashla quieted down long enough for her to set the compress on his forehead, but then she started crying again. “You sure are demanding sometimes,” she chuckled softly as she scooped her up. “Don’t you want me to take care of your father?” 

            She snuggled Ashla close to her and then climbed onto the head of the bed, shifting him so his head was rested on her lap again. Then she opened her tunic to let Ashla nurse and leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. 

            “I always hoped you’d get to meet him, little one, but I never expected it to be like this,” she murmured. “But don’t worry, I’m going to heal him right up and we’ll all be okay.” She dropped her left hand onto his chest and took a deep breath. She didn’t like the darkness she felt from him, or how hot his skin was to the touch, but she was really glad he was here. 

            “So,  _he’s_  Ashla’s father?” Nyx asked through the door.

            “Not now,” she said in annoyance.

            “What did you see in that drunkard?”

            “Go away, Nyx,” she replied, wishing she could just wave her hand and send him flying down the hallway.  Why did she always have to talk out loud? She should have known Nyx might still be listening. She’d gotten kind of used to his eavesdropping and rarely talked out loud about anything important. But she’d forgotten for awhile, too distracted by Anakin’s presence again to think about the consequences. 

            His curiosity sometimes annoyed her, but she knew he didn’t mean any harm by it. He had every reason to be curious about her. She’d crash landed on his platform, yelled at a speeder bike as if it was alive, tried to talk him into fixing it for free and then scared off some thugs if he’d promised to let her stay without paying rent. She’d never told him where she’d come from, or who she used to be. All he’d known about her was that she’d been pregnant, broke and desperate. Who wouldn’t be curious? Especially when she’d repeatedly refused to answer all his prying questions. Or any of them really. 

            He didn’t seem to recognize Anakin from the holonews, that was good at least. Nor had he seemed to notice his Jedi robes, though perhaps he’d not gotten a very good look at him. But now he knew that this mysterious unconscious stranger was Ashla’s father. And unfortunately, that was something he couldn’t know. Nobody could know. 

            She closed her eyes and reached out into the force. He was still standing there on the other side of the door. She focused on him, pushing into his mind. Then she waved her hand. “You didn’t hear anything,” she suggested.

            “I didn’t hear anything,” he repeated.

            “Ahsoka went away for a few days, you have the shop to yourself. You will stay away from her room.” Again, he repeated her suggestion and she released her hold as she heard his footsteps disappear down the hallway.

            She hated using mind tricks, especially on her friends. But after leaving the order, sometimes she’d panic about what people might know and on occasion she’d use them. Though normally, you couldn’t do it through a door. She wouldn’t exactly call Nyx weak-minded, but ever since she’d gotten pregnant with Ashla, her force powers had been amplified. And for some weird reason, it hadn’t gone away after giving birth. Or maybe she’d just had a stronger motivation today, to keep Nyx away. 

            She gently moved the cold cloth and flipped it over, pressing it against his flushed skin hoping to cool him down. It was awkward one handed, but now that Ashla had finished nursing, she’d fallen asleep in her arms. She shifted her carefully, so she was upright and tried to ignore the milk that dribbled down the back of her tunic, since she’d forgotten to grab another cloth for herself.

            She sat there for a long time, trying not to disturb either of them. Every so often she’d touch the back of her hand to Anakin’s cheek to see if his fever was coming down. Otherwise, the minutes ticked by relatively uneventfully.

            “What happened to you, Anakin?” she whispered. “I know better than anyone the way you danced with the dark side, but I never imagined it would win. I should have been there for you. I shouldn’t have left. But what was I supposed to do? If the Jedi hadn’t of kicked me out for the trial, surely, they would have if they’d found out I was pregnant with your child. Or worse, they would have taken her away from me, they would have expected me to just let go and go on living as though those nine months had never happened. I couldn’t do that, Anakin. I couldn’t let her go like that. She’s ours. She’s a gift. She’s special.” She smiled sadly and ran her fingers through his soft, curly hair. “And I thought she might be all I’d ever get to have of you.” She rolled her lips and blinked away the tears welling in her eyes. “She’s like a dream I never knew I had. I’d always loved the younglings at the temple, but I’d never thought of having my own. I was a Jedi, I knew I couldn’t. So why waste dreams on things you know aren’t allowed? But now that she’s here… when I held her for the first time… there was this moment where it felt as though everything in my life had connected. As though her very existence completed me when I didn’t even know I wasn’t.”

            She stopped talking for awhile and closed her eyes so she could listen. One of the things she found calming was listening to Ashla breathe. Now it was twice as calming to listen to them both, right here in her arms. After leaving the order, she’d tried so hard not to fantasize about what they could’ve had. She’d known it would only drive her mad. In some ways it was less painful to stab herself repeatedly with the reality that he wouldn’t be there. But she didn’t blame him of course, it was her own fault for falling in love with someone who she could never have. And in the end, it didn’t really matter if she’d loved him for years. Nor did it really matter that they’d both been Jedi and those types of relationships were forbidden. The only thing that mattered had always been his heart belonged elsewhere. Someone else had claimed it long before she’d ever come along.

            And no matter how much she loved the senator, she’d too often found herself sizing her up, comparing herself to her, wondering why she’d captured his attention so completely before anybody else had had a chance. Had it been her stunning beauty? Her quick wit? Her feisty attitude when she was fighting for what she believed in? Was it the sound of her voice, the rich chocolate depth of her eyes? Or was it deeper things? A past they shared? Some kind of connection beyond her comprehension? Or was it something simple and easy to explain; like the fact that the senator wasn’t an alien?

            She took a deep breath and let out a sigh. Maybe she’d never know the answer. Maybe she didn’t want to know. Because the answer wouldn’t change the truth, his heart belonged to Padme, not her. And no child they had or special night they’d shared would change that. To Anakin, she’d forever be the other one; his student, his friend, and perhaps even a night he regretted.

            But now that she thought about it… both Rex and Obi wan had known about his love for the Naboo senator because of course he failed to hide it as well as he thought. So why hadn’t they taken him to her? Why would they have brought him here instead? Even without having been a Jedi, surely Padme could have cared for his fever just as easily as herself.

            She sighed again, so much for not fantasizing. After what seemed like hours, she finally untangled herself and scooted off the bed. She laid Ashla down in her crib and changed her diaper, shuffling into the other room to wash her hands. She splashed some water on her face and then did some stretches.

            The truth was, it hurt. It hurt that he was here, while she was simultaneously grateful, he was. Away from him, she’d been able to pretend she was okay. But now that he was here, he both calmed her and made her restless.

            She heard a thump and a moan and raced back into the bedroom. He was thrashing about on the floor, swinging wildly at things she couldn’t see. He didn’t appear to be awake or even conscious, but the nightmares had apparently caused him to roll right out of bed. He was muttering too, occasionally crying out, but nothing he said made much sense. 

            She ran to his side, dropping to her knees and trying to catch his arms. “Shh, shh,” she breathed, wrestling for control, but he fought her harder. “It’s okay, it’s okay!” She threw her weight across him, pinning his arms down, but still he tossed and turned. The racket he was making woke Ashla and she started crying too. “Oh brother,” she muttered under her breath. She had to get control of him before she could calm Ashla, otherwise he might hurt himself. “Anakin,” she said, trying to get his attention. She didn’t want to wake him up during a fit, because his Jedi reflexes could be incredibly dangerous if startled. But she had to somehow break through the nightmares. 

            She wrestled with him for awhile longer, wishing she was heavier because even her full weight did very little to stop him from moving. She finally climbed onto him and pinned his arms to the floor, still feeling as though she were on a runaway bantha. It was clear though that just a physical response to the fit wouldn’t be enough, she’d need to try and calm him with the force. And she suddenly understood why they hadn’t taken him to Padmé. 

            “Shh Ashla, it’s okay,” she lowered her voice, hoping to calm her crying baby a bit so she could focus on Anakin. Her cries grated in her head though, making it hard to concentrate and for just a moment, she regretted keeping Nyx away as the realization hit that because of the mind trick, even if he heard the sounds coming from her room, he wouldn’t come to investigate. So, she couldn’t even call him for help if she needed.  _That was real smart, Ahsoka_. She rolled her eyes. 

            Then she took a deep breath and tried to focus on the force. It took a few tries to push past all the noises and distractions and then she found the calm and light. She drew on it, filling herself with it and then started pushing it into him. She wasn’t a force healer, regrettably. It was one of the few things she’d never had a talent for, not even minor scrapes or bruises like Master Kenobi could heal. But she did have a way to soothe the mind, something she’d sometimes used on Anakin on nights he really needed sleep. Though she was pretty sure he’d never been aware of it. 

            After a few minutes of poking around in his energy, she found a way in through the nightmares. She pushed through the blast of darkness, ignoring the chill that raced through her veins. As she pumped the light and calm into him, he slowly stilled. His breathing deepened as he let out a sigh. And then he stopped moving all together and she released the force, collapsing onto his chest. 

            She hoped she wouldn’t have to do that a lot, because it was exhausting. If she pushed it too far, she might pass out, which in this particular situation would be an incredibly dangerous thing to happen. Especially since there was no guarantee she’d awake again at signs of danger or the sounds of her baby crying. 

            Speaking of which, she reluctantly pushed herself off him and tried to stand up. Her whole body felt as though it was made of lead. It took every last ounce of strength she had to drag herself over to the crib. She’d better watch herself, she’d almost gone too far this time. She didn’t have the energy at the moment to pick Ashla up, so she just leaned over the crib and talked to her. Then she ran her fingers down her cheek and took her tiny hand in hers. After a few minutes of trying to hush her, she started singing. It was an old lullaby, something from a distant memory. But whatever it really was or meant didn’t seem to matter because Ashla closed her big blue eyes and fell back asleep. 

            “You know, that sounds like a good idea,” she whispered, when she finished the song. She turned around and saw Anakin still laying on the floor. She should probably try to get him back into the bed, but she doubted she’d manage it right now. So... she sluggishly made her way to the bed, grabbed a couple pillows and a blanket, and knelt down next to him. 

            She tucked one pillow under his head and the other one next to it and then she curled into his arms and pulled the blanket up.

 

\--- 

 

            She jerked awake a few hours later, at first unsure what had startled her. Then she heard him groaning and tried to sit up so she could get a better look. Her back was cramping from having slept on the floor, one hand was tingling because she’d been laying on it.

            He wasn’t yet awake, nor was he thrashing around, but he kept making these low groans as though he were deep in pain. Every so often he’d turn his head and the groan would be cut off by a sharp intake of breath. She quickly pulled the blanket off him to see if he’d somehow ended up twisted from the way she’d wrestled with him, but she couldn’t see any obvious signs of an injury that could be causing him pain. 

            She touched a hand to his cheek and was instantly racing into the bathroom. His fever had skyrocketed. She shouldn’t have curled up with him or put a blanket over him, but she’d been so tired all she’d wanted was to sleep and so... sleeping  _with_  him on the floor had made more sense than sleeping alone on her bed. She frantically doused a couple towels and cloths in cold water and wrung them out, running back into the bedroom trying not to slip on the dripping water. 

            She put one on his forehead and tried to also cover his cheeks with it. Then she lifted his shirt and put one on his abdomen. A couple on his arms and legs and then she sat back trying to take a deep breath. She’d never seen the dark side do something like this before, so she couldn’t even fathom what had happened. Had he gotten cursed somehow? Or come in contact with a Sith artifact? The longer she was around him, the less it felt like he’d just fallen. Something else had to be going on, but it worried her that he’d been here for half a day and hadn’t shown any signs of coming out of it. 

            So far, he’d been feverish, had nightmares and groaning, but those were all things easily equated with a sickness of sorts, not necessarily the dark side. She leaned forward and opened one of his eyes. But this wasn’t your average sickness. She let it close and sat back on her heels, trying to refrain from weeping. His eyes were yellow and bloodshot, the veins around them and his mouth were darker and exaggerated. His skin seemed paler than normal, despite being flushed. So, it was definitely something to do with the Sith. 

            But if his fever didn’t break soon, she would need to take him to a hospital or a healer or something. Then again, why hadn’t Obi Wan taken him to the healing ward? Why would he risk his life to drop him off here? Did he just not want the other Jedi to see him like that, or was there something else going on?

            She got up and headed to her desk, picking up her datapad. She doubted browsing the holonet would give her any kind of information on how to help him. This was the kind of thing she’d be lucky to find help with in the Jedi archives. More and likely, if any such information existed, it would be inside the holocron vault, which was impossible to get into unless you were a member of the council. With her status, she wouldn’t even make it through the front door, let alone to the library. So, the vault was out of the question unless she could convince Master Kenobi to go looking for it. But if he had access to any information that could help, she doubted he’d just leave her here without instructions. 

            She fought with the datapad for a few minutes but finally gave up. It didn’t matter anyways; the network was down. She put it away and went over to check on Ashla. It was probably about time for another feeding, but she was so tired she didn’t want to wake her if she was still sleeping. 

            She finally moved back to his side and sat on the floor next to him, pulling her knees up to her stomach and wrapping her arms around them. She really hoped she had what it took to take care of him, she dreaded him waking up now though, because it might just be as unpredictable as his nightmares. And if it had taken that much effort to get him under control while he still wasn’t conscious, what would happen if she had to fight him when he was awake?

            She dropped her chin to her knees and just watched his labored breathing, hoping that the fever would come down. Hoping that she could actually calm him or heal him like they all seemed to think she could. In normal circumstances, she should probably be afraid of him if he’d been corrupted somehow. But she either didn’t have enough energy to be afraid, or foolishly wasn’t. 

            Whatever happened, this was still her Anakin. The one she’d always known, the one she’d always loved. She would not believe that he might somehow be undeserving just because something had infected him. That was all it could be anyways. Anakin was far too strong to fall for the lies of the Sith. He was also too good to be so easily turned. So yeah, maybe she’d been away for a year or so, but she believed that with all her heart.

            The times he’d flirted with the dark side had always been either influenced by another, like the son on Mortis. Or had been a noble drive to end something far more horrific. He worked himself too hard, and maybe sometimes his anger got the better of him, but his core was light, all light. There was no way he’d give into what they’d been fighting from the beginning. No way.

            So maybe Master Kenobi had left him here so she could take care of his body while he searched for a way to free his mind. That must be what was going on. He’d be back any time now and they’d heal him right up and he’d be back to normal. 

            She watched him for awhile, for any signs of discomfort, anything she could do to ease his pain. He’d stopped groaning and grimacing, but his skin still felt hot to the touch every time she checked. She’d hoped a million times for an opportunity to see him again, but she hadn’t imagined this was how it would come about.

            She got up once or twice to go cool the cloths again and reposition them, but otherwise kept her vigil by his side. It was getting late and she probably needed to go to bed and get some real sleep without overheating him again, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn away. It wasn’t until Ashla cried around midnight that she reluctantly rose and drifted over to her crib.

            “Are you hungry, love?” she whispered tiredly to her beautiful three-month-old baby. Of course she knew the answer to that, it was well past her usual feeding time. Now that she thought about it, it was way past her own too. She’d been so consumed by Anakin’s appearance she hadn’t even thought to feed herself. Let alone keep herself hydrated, which was a bad thing when nursing.

            It was late enough, Nyx would definitely be in bed and sleeping. So, she got Ashla situated, listened at her door for a few minutes and then snuck down the hallway to the kitchen. She gathered a couple food bars and leaned back against the counter, sipping a glass of water while keeping her eyes on her door that she’d left a crack. Ashla suckled happily while her mind drifted to other things.

            She knew there was no way for Master Kenobi to have known that she had a child to take care of too. But he’d been so sure she would drop everything to take care of Anakin. He was right about that of course. She looked down and smiled at her baby. Well, almost everything.

            Feeling a bit more glued together after finishing the glass of water and one of the food bars, she gathered the rest of the stuff she’d put out and tiptoed softly back to her room, closing and locking the door behind her again. Anakin didn’t look like he’d moved much while she’d been gone, and she relaxed a little.

            When Ashla finished nursing, she sat her up on her knee and burped her, then rocked her until she’d fallen back asleep; whispering stories and happier memories. Things she hoped someday Ashla would get to hear from both of them. But she shouldn’t hold her breath. Once Anakin was healed, he wouldn’t be staying, and she needed to keep reminding herself of that.

            She put Ashla back to bed and checked her. Satisfied she would be set for awhile, she took a deep breath and turned back to Anakin still laying on the floor. She knelt next to him and checked his temperature. It seemed to have come down some because he no longer felt quite so hot. That was good at least.

            She adjusted herself to sit back on the floor, working to sit him up and put her leg behind him. She used the force to pull the glass of water she’d brought back with her to her hand and then tried to tip his head back a bit to give him a little. Most of it dribbled down his front, which she ignored for now, but he did seem to move his lips and swallow some of it. She kept at it for awhile, taking plenty of time between each sip so that he didn’t end up aspirating or something worse. But considering how hot he’d been from the fever, she needed to keep him hydrated too.       And without a medic nearby or a med bay, she had no way to hook him up to an IV. Not that she minded really, doing it this way.

            Despite the circumstances, she liked the way he felt against her. She liked the way it felt to hold him so protectively, how it felt to care for him. If it was possible to love the corruption right out of him, that was exactly what she planned to do. Yeah it hurt that he was here, but it didn’t stop her from loving him or wanting to take care of him. So here they were… she was practically bottle feeding him on the floor, hoping that she’d start seeing some improvement in his condition and trying not to worry about his next episode. Or how he’d react to any of this when he woke up.

            Anakin was a proud person, she doubted he’d appreciate in the least, her seeing him in such a bad state. She didn’t even know if he’d be happy to see her at all, regardless of the circumstances. But if Rex had thought it was a good idea to bring him here, then he must have believed Anakin wouldn’t be angry about that when he woke up. Even so, he probably wouldn’t be happy to learn about Ashla, so… who knew what might happen?

            He sputtered on the latest sip and she finally put the glass down and wiped his mouth. She supposed that was all she’d get down him for now, though it had only been half a glass. Barely a minute later he started thrashing around again and she threw her other leg around him to hold him there in her arms, up against herself.

            “Shhh,” she breathed as calmly as she could. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” She held him tight, rocking them both back and forth, her cheek against the top of his head. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.” She wasn’t sure how long this episode lasted, but she tried to calm him down without using the force first. He didn’t fight her quite as hard as last time, but she had a better position on him this time, so maybe he just couldn’t move as much. 

            She listened to his muffled muttering, trying to make sense of what he was saying. But it was just random words or phrases, some of it even sounded like a different language. She wasn’t even sure if the words he spoke were actually real words. Could it be the language of the Sith? They didn’t really feel dark, but perhaps they could be. Unless in his subconscious state, he wasn’t uttering them with the same intention that made them dark normally.

            Unable to wrestle himself free in the state he was in, he eventually stilled and fell back into a deep sleep. She hugged him and continued to rock him back and forth, maybe less to calm him this time and more to calm herself. She wanted to believe it would be okay. She  _had_  to believe it. But admittedly the longer it went on without any signs of him coming out of it, the more worried she got. Unless things got really bad though, she was going to try and at least survive the night and then in the morning, if he hadn’t shown significant improvement, she’d call Master Kenobi.

            After rocking back and forth until she was starting to feel numb from her position, she finally pulled him up with her as she struggled to her feet. She situated him back on the bed, using pillows as a kind of barrier to stop him from falling out. Then she sat on the edge and patted his leg and yawned. 

            She really needed to sleep, and she really wanted to curl up with him, but because of his on and off fever, she wasn’t sure it was a good idea. And to be honest, it kind of scared her to go to sleep when he was so unpredictable. What if she didn’t wake up? What if he hurt himself? What if he accidentally hurt Ashla? What if whatever seemed to be causing this regained control of him? Or worse... what if it killed him and she slept right through it?

            She didn’t want to believe that was possible, but the worries kept her eyes from closing and she finally pulled a chair over near the bed and curled up in that; taking care to make herself uncomfortable enough she couldn’t accidentally fall asleep.

            For awhile she just talked softly, about this or that. She told him about her adventures as a new parent or interesting things she’d learned. She talked about Nyx and his repair shop and the different types of customers that showed up. She talked about the war and wondering what was going on out there and how much she wished she could still help him fight it. 

            When she ran out of things to talk about or energy to talk, she just sat there in silence and watched him breathe. It reminded her that holding Ashla and watching her breathe soothed her and she wondered if Ashla might have the same effect on him. Though putting a baby on top of him while he was unpredictable and potentially dangerous would be a terrible parenting choice, but now that the thought had popped into her head, she kind of wanted to try it. 

            She knew Ashla was sensitive to the force and to different energy though, would she start crying being in contact with the darkness? Or would she somehow intuitively understand that this was her father and she needed to heal his energy? She didn’t really know if it was possible for babies to heal others, especially something like this. But she often felt stronger or better after holding her daughter or nursing her. Surprisingly never drained, almost always relaxed. Which seemed like an unexpected outcome from something that should be taxing to the body and the mind. 

            He seemed calm enough for the moment, maybe she could at least set his hand on her. Then if things got out of control, she could separate them right away. 

            “Okay, little one,” she whispered to Ashla, leaning over the side of her crib. “This probably sounds crazy, but I need your help. Your daddy here is hurting real bad, he could really use some of your light right now. Think you could heal him up?” She lifted Ashla into her arms and she stretched and yawned, blinking up at her with her big blue eyes that seemed to sparkle in the dark room. She didn’t cry though, or fuss for being disturbed. If she didn’t know any better, she might have thought Ashla actually understood her. And what she was asking of her. 

            She made her way over to the bed and carefully climbed onto it, scooting her way up so she was closer to his chest. It was hard to do one-handed, and she bumped her elbow on the wall a few times, but eventually she got there. It might have made more sense to come from the other side, but she wanted his left hand to be touching Ashla, not his mechanical one. Not because of the danger or anything, but rather because she wanted them to have skin to skin contact.

            She positioned Ashla carefully in her lap and then reached over to grab his hand and set it on her. At first Ashla reacted with a jolt and screwed up her face like she wanted to cry, but then after just a moment she relaxed. She felt the force change around her and stared at her daughter in disbelief. So, she  _was_  doing something...

            She looked from Ashla to Anakin and saw his mouth move a few times like it had before when he’d thrashed around, except this time there were no actual words. Then before she could change her mind, she turned Ashla over and set her down on his chest. She tucked her feet up under her, curling up like a cub might and almost instantly fell asleep, content to be touching him. Then before she could do anything else, Anakin’s arms moved to wrap around her, as though instinctually he knew, no matter where his head might actually be, that he needed to hold her there to protect her. 

            She rolled her lips as strong emotions washed over her at the sight of Anakin reflexively holding Ashla. She saw his face slacken and his breathing deepened. His lips had stopped moving and for the first time since he’d landed here, he actually looked less troubled or sick. It was as though the veins on his face were fading in front of her eyes and she let out a sigh of relief. 

            Despite his response, she wasn’t willing to close her eyes and let down her guard. One unpredictable movement in the night could have devastating consequences. But admittedly it felt almost like a victory in itself; both in her attempts to help him but also his natural response to their child. Maybe he wasn’t alert enough to understand why or what it meant but it felt good knowing that their daughter meant something to him, even if he didn’t remember it when he woke up. 

            She studied his face in the dim light of her room. His color seemed to be returning to normal, his cheeks weren’t so flushed. The exaggerated veins were barely visible now. She reached out the palm of her hand and set it on his forehead. His fever seemed to have broke. She caressed his skin, moving her fingers gently down his cheek. Unable to resist, she pulled back an eyelid and was delighted to see that his eyes were no longer bloodshot nor the Sith yellow.

            Was this all because of Ashla or something else? Maybe it had already been fading before she’d put Ashla on him, and she just hadn’t noticed. But it felt a bit like there was a bubble of energy around him, a slight electrified buzz. Which begged the question, had Ashla actually healed him or simply blocked that which was corrupting him? Because unless Ashla was an insanely strong healer, the latter seemed more likely. 

            If a Sith, potentially the powerful one they’d been hunting, had somehow done his own kind of mind trick either through unnoticed contact or through an artifact, then theoretically, breaking that connection would break the influence. And since the only things she’d removed from him were his clothes and his lightsaber, she was starting to doubt that it had been any physical thing that had carried the curse. But just to be sure, she carefully got off the bed and went through all his stuff; weighing each item in her hands and trying to sense anything off about them. 

            But after a few minutes of futility, it dawned on her that if it had been an item she’d touched, she would have been corrupted too. Potentially also Master Kenobi since he too had been in physical contact with him. Which really left only one explanation; the Sith Lord had somehow cast a spell or manipulated the force in some way that perhaps Anakin had attempted to resist. And between the spell, his defensive action and perhaps even the stun that had been used on him, he’d somehow ended up trapped inside his own mind. Then that would mean the nightmares might not actually be nightmares, they may have been the Sith Lord attempting to break him out from his side or take over control. 

            Each time that had happened though, she’d wrestled him down using mainly light and goodness. Which had seemed to be enough to stop that attempt but not the source of the corruption. But Ashla, it was almost as though Ashla had somehow either consciously or instinctually, cast a shield around him; essentially becoming a guard and rather than just push it away for awhile she actually blocked it completely. But did that mean as soon as she took Ashla off him, the Sith would be able to regain control over him? Did it also mean that the Sith had been aware of all the things she’d said to him or maybe even seen where they are or who he’s with?

            She suddenly had a sinking feeling in her gut. It hadn’t even occurred to her to not talk about the details of her life or where they were. Nor had it occurred to her that Anakin might have been somewhere inside hearing it too. She’d just assumed he was asleep. That he wouldn’t remember anything she’d said to him. Even in the off chance the Sith Lord hadn’t heard it, but  _he_  had... that would still be a lot of interesting stuff she’d have to explain to him when he woke up. 

            Against her better judgement, she left him unattended with Ashla while she went through the shop and double checked that everything was locked and secured. Not that that would stop a Sith Lord. She stopped in the middle of the room, shivering slightly and rubbed her arms. 

            She needed to calm down, it was understandable to be afraid. Seeing him like this had certainly rattled her, but it had not once extended to the thought of a bigger threat. And in normal circumstances, she doubted she’d be nearly as afraid. But she had a child to protect, and whether Nyx liked Jedi or not, she felt obligated to protect him from any dangers associated with her past as well. Normally Anakin’s presence alone would make her feel infinitely less afraid, but as long as he was unconscious, she might end up fighting it alone. Without her lightsabers. With only the force. 

            She ran back upstairs and opened the drawer she’d dropped his in earlier. She pulled it out and turned it over in her hands. His was heavier than her old ones, but nicely balanced. The ridges weren’t comfortable in her bare hand but might be okay with gloves. From what she understood, he’d made this lightsaber after his had broken on Geonosis, and also after he’d lost his hand. So likely the rubber ridges were easier for him to grip with metal.

            She waved it around a few times, quickly refreshing her memory on the lightsaber forms and grateful that knowledge hadn’t faded in the year she’d been away.  Though if she ended up needing to fight with his, she’d probably have to use form five, since it was too big for her to use one handed. It would probably slip out of her grip every time she tried to do her fast and quick jar kai moves. She debated for a moment about putting it back in the drawer and finally decided to take it with her to bed. 

            She carefully climbed back in between him and the wall, tucked the lightsaber under the pillows between them and curled up next to him. It appeared he hadn’t moved or even shifted at all since she’d put Ashla on him. And though it was against her better judgement to sleep with the potential threat looming over them, they both looked so peaceful she couldn’t help the tiredness that swept through her. 

 

\---

 

            A knock on her door startled her awake and she stared at it in confusion. It shouldn’t be Nyx, the mind trick would keep him away. It was light in her room now, which meant it was morning. And Anakin appeared to be sleeping in the same position with Ashla still glued to his chest. 

            “Ahsoka?” Came a familiar voice. “It’s me, Rex.”

            “Where is Nyx?” she asked.

            She heard a chuckle. “He appears to be,  _staying away from your room_.”

            She couldn’t help but laugh as she waved her hand and unlocked the door. Of course Rex would have recognized that she’d mind tricked someone. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been around that stuff before. 

            The door opened a second later and she sat up and rubbed her eyes, as Rex entered. He wasn’t wearing his armor, in fact had it not been for his familiar shaved blond head, she might not have recognized him at all. 

            “How are you holding up?” he asked, making a quick glance at Anakin before looking back at her. 

            “I’m tired,” she admitted. “But I think we got through the worst of it.” She waved her hand to lock the door again and pointed to the chair by the bed.

            “I’m sorry we just had to drop him off without any explanation, but things were crazy and...” he trailed off. His eyes landing finally on Ashla. He looked only slightly surprised but then he dropped his head as though hiding a smile. 

            “What happened? What is going on?”

            “I take it you haven’t been watching the news?” he asked instead.

            “The network’s been down. I can’t get anything,” she complained. “Do you know what caused this?”

            “I’m afraid not,” he said sadly, finally sitting down and clasping his hands in front of him looking troubled. “General Kenobi said he found him raving like a madman outside the Jedi temple. Apparently, he’d been sent there by someone to kill the Jedi, but he never said  _who_  had sent him. They ended up fighting each other. Me and several brothers found them outside furiously going blade to blade. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew something was off about him, so the first opportunity I got, I stunned him from behind. General Kenobi wanted to take him to Master Yoda, but I suggested bringing him to you instead. And then...”

            “Then what?” she prompted, much more alert than she’d been when he’d first appeared. 

            “All hell broke loose. There were several explosions inside the temple, then the other clones opened fire on the Jedi that had ran outside. General Kenobi wanted to go help them, but I’d insisted we needed to get Anakin somewhere safe first, since neither he nor Obi Wan had been noticed in the chaos yet. So, we brought him down here to you. I knew if anyone could help him it was you. Since you’d always been able to set him straight or calm him down. Eventually Obi Wan agreed that he’d be safer here because if someone had tried to corrupt him, they’d be looking for him in the chaos at the temple, not on the lower levels of Coruscant.” He sat back and sighed. 

            “So Master Kenobi thought it was mind control too?” She felt sorrow creep through her. She hadn’t felt any of the chaos above because she’d been dealing with  _his_  chaos in here. And his darkness had overshadowed any thought of what was going on out there.

            “To be honest, I’m not sure he knew what was going on with him. Not long after we dropped him off here, we found out that Senator Amidala had died in childbirth, neither of the twins she’d been carrying had survived as far as we know. If they did, nobody knows where they are or who took them. And of course, you know how close they were...” he trailed off again.

             _Close?_  That was the understatement of the year. Yes of course she’d known Anakin and Padmé were close, that’s why she’d left without telling him she was pregnant. She didn’t want to come between him and the person he really wanted. But now his instinct to hold Ashla took a different meaning. She’d known Padmé was pregnant and of course she’d known Anakin was the father because who else would be? But maybe it had never occurred to her that Anakin would actually  _want_  to be a father. So, had he held Ashla so protectively not out of instinct but rather because he was feeling the loss of his other children?

            She didn’t want to feel jealousy right now, it made her feel awful to react so selfishly to such devastating news. No matter how Padmé had captured his heart, she’d still been her friend too and she’d still loved her even if the senator had what she couldn’t have. She glanced at Anakin but then looked down at her hands.

            “So Master Kenobi thinks he  _did_  fall to the dark side after losing Padmé and the twins?” She swallowed the foul taste those words left in her mouth. It couldn’t be true. As terrible as losing Padmé would have been to him, it shouldn’t have caused him to turn. It shouldn’t have made him suddenly obey orders to go slaughter the Jedi. And even if in some off chance it had, it didn’t explain how Ashla had blocked it.

            Blocking another’s influence was possible, blocking one’s own choice to turn? Highly unlikely. 

            “I’m not sure he knows what to think, Ahsoka,” Rex said sadly. “As brilliant as General Kenobi is, the fact remains, he doesn’t understand his former pupil nearly as well as you do.”

            “So that’s the real reason you had him bring him here?” she asked in surprise. “You knew I wouldn’t abandon him. Not now, not ever.”

            “I knew you wouldn’t judge his actions without learning why,” he said softly. “You remember those T-shirt’s I got you both?”

            “Yeah I was wondering how Obi Wan had known about them…”

            “That wasn’t if people found him wandering around somewhere alone, that was if he needed  _real_ help, he should be brought to you. I see now, that you had little choice in why you had to leave, but when you were there, General Skywalker was by far, the best leader in the entire army. You brought out the best in him, your presence made him strive to be not just a powerful soldier or a brilliant strategist, but also a compassionate leader. I’ve seen him on and off the battlefield, I’ve seen him in almost every scenario imaginable, and without a doubt, he is the best and strongest when you’re by his side. If anybody could help him, if anybody would give him another chance... it was you. I don’t know the way the light side, dark side stuff works, but I knew in my gut, whatever had happened… he wasn’t gone.”

            She’d always admired the veteran captain in front of her, but suddenly her admiration of him skyrocketed. In a moment of pure chaos, he’d chosen to save his general; not from life or death, but from being abandoned by the very order he served; even if somehow it was suddenly falling to ruin. He’d had so much faith in Anakin to know his turn or fall had been out of his control. He’d been willing to give him another chance, despite looking up and seeing his own brothers turn on the Jedi. And suddenly she felt the dark hand that was clasping around all of them trying to suffocate them.

            She reached a hand down and gently petted Anakin’s soft hair, feeling a weight land on her chest.

            “On a personal note,” the captain said suddenly. “I don’t know a lot about love, but I like to think I’d know it when I see it. And I saw it in your eyes every time you looked at him.” Her lips trembled and she rolled them together to hide it. “It was in his eyes too… when he looked at you.” He nodded at Anakin.

            “Rex…” she started cautiously. “There’s something I need you to do for me. For  _us._ ”

            “Anything,” he said without hesitation.

            “I need you to take Ashla, get off Coruscant,” she said quickly. She didn’t want to send her away, but in order to truly help Anakin, she had to do something. Something really big. And although at the moment Ashla’s connection to Anakin seemed to be protecting him, she actually needed him unprotected. “If I’m going to help him, I’m not sure I can take care of both of them.” It hurt her to admit that, that in this moment she had to choose between them. But it wasn’t that she loved Anakin more. She was just being realistic. Considering how much it had taken out of her the first time she’d tried it… she’d be endangering all of them if Ashla stayed here when she did this.

            “Whatever you’re about to do, Ahsoka…” Rex started. “Please, be careful.”

            “I will,” she smiled encouragingly. “We’ll connect up with you soon. Give me a few minutes to get her ready and gather some stuff.” She almost added ‘keep an eye on him,’ but she knew she didn’t need to. Rex knew. Rex always knew. And to be honest, if she had to send Ashla away with anyone, she’d have chosen Rex. He might not have any experience with children, but other than Anakin, there was no one she trusted more.

            She climbed off the bed and took a deep breath. Then she very carefully took Ashla out of Anakin’s arms. She instantly started crying. Of course… why had she expected anything different?

            “Shh, love, it’s okay.” She rocked her gently, but Ashla just cried harder. She gave Rex an embarrassed look and hurried into the bathroom. “I know, I know, you want your daddy, even though I’m the one doing all the work.” She rolled her eyes then she pulled apart her tunic and hooked her up. She fussed for a few minutes longer, but then finally took it. 

            She tried not to stress as she thought about what she was about to do. Or worse the consequences if she failed. When she finished nursing her, she burped her and then went about gathering all the supplies she could think of that Rex might need to take care of her. Hopefully only for a few days at most. 

            Maybe it was nerves, but she started laughing when she packed the diapers at the image of a battle-hardened soldier changing her diaper. Rex gave her a curious look, but she just shook her head and continued to grab things. Once she was certain she had everything, she finally turned and looked him up and down. 

            “Ashla is sensitive,” she said, knowing he’d understand what she meant. “And she’s probably not going to like being taken away from him, especially. So try and get away from people as soon as you can.” She gave him a quick rundown of their routine and how to change diapers and instructions for feeding. And then she set Ashla in his arms. 

            She didn’t cry, like she thought she might. But she imagined she would as soon as he left the room. She tried not to get emotional when she said goodbye. And she hugged Rex a few times too. Then she warned him to try and not let Nyx see him leave with her and watched the door close between them.

            She slumped into the chair feeling suddenly drained. Was it from the cluster of activity or the emotional taxation of caring for two very dependent individuals? Or was it deeper than that? Just a little bit of distance from her daughter and she already felt a sense of hopelessness and maybe even emptiness. 

            She turned her tired eyes back on Anakin. She wanted more sleep or wanted to feel more glued together before she did this. But every second he wasn’t being guarded by Ashla, he was vulnerable to the Sith’s control. And to stop this war, and the madness and hopefully even break him free, she needed to find out what was really going on. 

            She pulled the chair over to the door, then she pushed him further into the middle of the bed. She fixed the pillows to again be blocking him from being able to roll. And then with one last glance around the room, she climbed on top of him. 

            “I hope you can forgive me for this,” she murmured. “But I think the only way to help you is to use you as a conduit to find out who is trying to control you from the other side.”

            She situated herself on his stomach, knees on either side of him, bracing herself in position so when she got blasted by the energy, she wouldn’t be thrown from him. Or if it caused him to thrash around like he’d done before. 

            Then she took a couple deep breaths and put her hands down on his chest. She worked her focus into position, falling into the force; letting it surround her and build her up. She pulled all the light she could carry on herself and then with one last breath she dove into the darkness, pushing herself into his energy as though she were submerging into the depths.

            For a few minutes she felt disoriented as waves of darkness crashed through her. But she just kept her attention on the light and the force, letting it guide her. The deeper she went, the harder it was to breathe; it felt as though fingers were closing around her throat, squeezing it with unparalleled strength. Despite beginning to feel lightheaded she kept swimming, putting all her intention and focus on breaking through the other side. 

            A few times it felt like she was treading water, struggling to get her bearings in the vast and chaotic dark storm that swirled violently around her. She was vaguely aware of her body or his body moving, but her mind was too far away to worry about it. Whatever she was in the middle of was draining her energy so fast, she was certain more than once she wouldn’t make it. She did all she could to push away the fear and the doubts. Her head was pounding like a concussive drum and any minute now, she thought it might kill her. 

            Her eyes started closing as sheer exhaustion weighed her down. “No, no, no!” she cried, fighting to stay awake, fighting to get through it. “I’m so close, I’m so...”

            Just as everything went dark, she felt a shove. Like someone or something had thrown significant force into pushing her off in an unknown direction. She wasn’t alert enough anymore to make sense of it, but then she landed hard on something stiff and unforgiving. It took her a moment to get her bearings. She wasn’t sure where she was. She wasn’t even sure if she was physically here or if she was just seeing this through someone else’s eyes. What she did know though, was that it hurt to be here.

            There was so much darkness, so much…  _red_. It felt like the entire world was devoid of color except for red. Black and red. She froze when she heard someone talking.

            “Everything is going according to my plan…” She saw a holoimage of Dooku in front of her. She was holding it, except she wasn’t. Whoever she was in, was holding it. The voice was vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t place it. The image disappeared as the call ended and when they looked up, she was surprised to see Coruscant. The view… it was familiar too. The Sith lord? The one they’d been looking for… the one controlling Anakin… was on Coruscant? Had he always been on Coruscant or had he just arrived, masked by the chaos?

            He spun around in the chair and set his elbows on his desk, bringing his fingers together and tapping them in agitation. She desperately tried to absorb any details she could of their surroundings, but she could only see what he was looking at. 

            “Yes, everything is going according to plan, except for one thing,” he said aloud. “My new apprentice is missing. And wherever he is, I can’t seem to find him.” He stared blankly at the desk in front of him and then looked up at the door when a knock sounded. “Enter.” Several clones entered the room and she stared at them in confusion recognizing one of them as Commander Fox. Why were they not trying to stop this man? “Report?” They were reporting to the Sith lord? How could that be? Then she remembered Rex saying that the clones turned on the Jedi… but why?

            “The temple has been cleared, your excellency,” Commander Fox answered. “A few survivors escaped Coruscant.”

            “Skywalker?”

            “No sign of him, sir.”

            “He’s still on Coruscant then. Find him. Bring him to me alive. Kill the rest.”

            “Yes, Chancellor.” Commander Fox bowed and left the room with the others.  _The Chancellor? Oh no!_  But how had he hidden this darkness for so long? From everyone?

            Once the clones left the room, he stood and moved over to the window, looking towards the temple. Even from this far away, she could see the smoke billowing from the building. She could see the familiar white army marching around it. Her heart clenched in her chest.

            She realized too late, her reaction would be a stark contrast to his own thoughts and seconds later the darkness pushed in against her from all sides. She panicked, suddenly unsure how to get out of this situation.

            “You?” the Chancellor snarled. “So that’s where they took him.” She started running. Though to be honest, she wasn’t sure if she was actually going anywhere. It was just instinct to attempt to run. But all she could see was black. He’d severed her connection to his senses so now she was once again in the dark abyss that somehow was all she could see inside Anakin. “I should have killed you that day in the courtroom. Nobody would have wondered how you’d just slipped and fallen to your death. I almost had you, my plan to get you out of the picture had worked perfectly.” The darkness was closing in and she started gasping for breath. “But then Skywalker had to figure it out.”

            “You underestimate him,” she choked, struggling to breathe. “He’s stronger than you. He’ll fight you. He’ll win.”

            “Not when you’ve been destroyed. There will be nothing left to stop me from having him.”

            “What do you want with him anyways?” she cried.

            “He has a prophecy to fulfill. He will become my apprentice. He will kill all the Jedi. He will help found a glorious new Empire.”

            “That’s not the prophecy!”

            “Oh, but it is,” the Chancellor cackled. “The council hoped to prevent it from happening by forcing him into submission. But all they did was drive him further away from them. Why would he turn to them when I’d only ever shown him kindness and been a father figure to him? No, he will stand by my side. He will choose me. You’ll see.”

            “You’re wrong!” she yelled, trying to run again. Trying to dodge the blasts of lightning he shot at her. Her vision blurred. She was losing grip on everything. The darkness was winning. She couldn’t fight it. He was too strong.

            She felt something grab her hand. Then a moment of weightlessness. Then nothing.

 

\---

 

            “Wake up, sleepy head.” She blinked a few times at Anakin’s voice. She was still exhausted, and she had no idea how long she’d been out. Then it dawned on her he was awake, and she sat up in a hurry. She looked up at him, where he was standing by her bed. He looked normal, like your average every day, solid as a rock, Anakin. Like none of the last few days had happened. She stared at him in disbelief. “Welcome back to the land of the living.” He smiled at her. It was only then that she felt his sorrow. 

            “The Chancellor!” she said suddenly, remembering what she’d seen when she’d pushed back into the corruption that had been holding him.

            “Yeah, I know.” He dropped his head. “I saw it too.” So, she’d been right, he  _had_  been trapped in his own mind. He paced around for a few minutes and finally stopped by Ashla’s crib, his hand resting on the side of it. She swallowed the lump in her throat and struggled to catch a breath. If he’d been trapped inside his own mind, he’d likely heard everything she’d said to him when she’d thought he’d been unconscious. He ran his hand along the edge of it and then reached down and picked up something. It wasn’t until he brought it up to look at it that she saw what it was. “So, when do I…  _uh…_ get to meet her? For real?” 

            He studied the doll in his hand, running his fingers down its face. She wondered what he was thinking. She couldn’t imagine him waking up to find out they had a kid, or that she’d kept that information from him for a year. And now he was holding the doll she’d made Ashla. The one that looked like him. Scars and all. The only thing she’d thought Ashla would ever have of her father.

            “She’s with Rex…” she trailed off when he looked back at her with his piercing blue eyes. He already knew. Of course, he already knew. He wasn’t just talking about right now. He was letting her know he was disappointed she’d not told him the truth. And all the excuses she’d made about why fizzled in her throat before they ever got to her lips. “I’m sorry,” she choked. She  _was_  sorry. For not telling him, for leaving, for not keeping in touch. But she was also sorry about the senator, his other losses, and for everything that had happened to him. And even though none of those were her fault, she was still sorry.

            He patted the doll against his other hand a few times and then finally came over and sat next to her on the bed, still holding it, though now he had a faraway look in his eyes. “I admit,” he started after awhile. “I never wanted to be a father. When Padmé told me she was pregnant, I fell apart. She’d sounded so happy, I didn’t want to ruin it for her. But for me, it felt like my entire world had come crashing down. Then the nightmares started. Everything just seemed to spiral out of control after that. I turned to the Chancellor for advice, he told me the story of a Sith Lord. Something a politician shouldn’t have known. He said that this Sith had learned how to stop people from dying. It sounded so good, because I’d already lost so many people.”          

            His voice seemed to pitch higher occasionally, but otherwise just sounded sad as he spoke softly. She hung on his every word, wanting to know, wanting to understand.

            “I don’t remember much after that, just words; possibly another language. I’m not really sure,” he continued. “Then I remember yelling at Obi wan, but I don’t remember why. Probably because I was mad he wouldn’t help me. Mad that he didn’t understand. That he  _never_  seemed to understand. Then I remember falling and being carried. And not being able to move despite being conscious. I couldn’t see anything, I didn’t know where I was being taken, but I could hear people talking. Then I remember hearing your voice. I thought I’d finally lost it. How would I be hearing your voice? You hadn’t been around for a year.”

            She tentatively set her hand on his arm, but he just shook his head and stared blankly back at the doll. She wanted to say something.  _Anything._ But she didn’t know what to say. Right now though, she needed to just listen. She felt it in his words. He needed to say this, he needed someone to hear it. So as hard as it was, she kept her mouth shut.

            “But your voice stuck around. You just kept talking to me, about all sorts of interesting things. Then I heard other voices, and…” He let out a sigh. “I hurt you, didn’t I?”

            “Of course not,” she said quickly.

            “There were times I felt like I wasn’t in control. Like there’d be this cloud of darkness. I’d try to fight it, but there was nothing I could do. But I could still hear you. And I clung to your words as tight as I could. For awhile it felt like that was the only thing that gave me hope that whatever was happening would end. Then I remember you putting her on me. I felt this rush of warmth spread through me. I wanted to hold her so bad. I wanted to hold her there forever…”

            “You did,” she whispered, and he looked at her in confusion and surprise.

            “What?”

            “When I put her on you, you wrapped your arms around her, holding her in place,” she said. “It was the first time you’d moved deliberately since you’d arrived.”

            “Heh…” he laughed in disbelief. “She wasn’t the only one that cried when you took her away. I’m not sure how, but while she was there, it was the clearest my head had ever been. Not just in the past few days, but ever. It made me think of what you’d said, about how she’d completed you when you didn’t even know you weren’t complete. It felt that way for me too, except I always knew I wasn’t complete. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was something I never expected to feel about a baby, that’s for sure. And who knows, maybe I would have felt the same way holding Padmé’s, but I don’t know…” He sat back and handed the doll to her. Then he got up and paced again and she watched him in uncertainty. “Rex was right, you know?” he said after a moment. “You were the only one that could keep me straight. I was the strongest when you were by my side.”

            “But…” He shook his head and she fell silent again.

            “I don’t blame you for leaving, Ahsoka.” He glanced at the crib again and then back at her. “It’s obvious you had more reasons to leave than stay.”

            “I wanted to stay with you,” she said. “I wanted to  _so_  bad.” He looked at her sadly. “But I made the choice to let go, because I thought… I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I thought even if you couldn’t forgive me for leaving that I was protecting you. I thought I’d ruin everything for you if I stayed.”

            “Did you ever think about yourself when you left? Or only me?”

            “I needed to figure out who I was without the order. I needed to figure out what I believed about life no longer limited by the teachings I’d been raised with. I needed to be sure who I could trust…” She fell silent again.

            “I meant your own needs,” he whispered, pointing at the crib again. “About what  _you_  wanted.”

            “No,” she admitted finally and dropped her head.

            “Ahsoka…” he breathed, and she shivered at the way her name rolled off his lips. How could he still give her chills? “As grateful as I am for all the times you looked out for me, including this time… Your life can’t always revolve around other people. No matter what the Jedi teach, you have to be selfish sometimes. I was too selfish though. I wanted to hold onto everyone forever, never noticing how much I was strangling them. Never noticing how they tiptoed around me, believing that they were disappointing me.” He pointed to the doll in her hands. “Why did you make that?”

            “Because I wanted Ashla to know you some way, even if…” He turned his back on her before she could finish and moved over to the window. He stood before it, his arms crossed behind his back, something he always did when he was deep in thought.

            “You didn’t think I’d want her.” It wasn’t a question, but it still broke her heart to hear him say aloud the truth she’d never wanted to entertain.

            She understood what this must look like to him, she understood how he might feel as though she had betrayed him by leaving without telling him the truth, but she felt the flood of every reason why she hadn’t, and she suddenly felt the need to defend herself,  _and_  her choice. 

            She leapt to her feet and took his arm, turning him so he was forced to look at her rather than the brooding way he stared out the window. As much as she loved him, he was frustrating sometimes, and she refused to let him make this about himself. Or make her feel like she was the only one that had done something wrong. 

            “You’re right, I should have told you the truth,” she started, rebuilding her confidence as she spoke. “But what would have happened if I had? Let’s face it, Anakin, explaining to the council that you’d gotten your student pregnant... how do you think that would have gone? And even if by some miracle, they’d let me keep the child... that is  _if_  they hadn’t kicked us  _both_  out... what about Padmé? Would you have come with me? Would you have been willing to help me raise her? Would you have even wanted to? The fact remains, no matter how much you may have loved me, or even if you’d  _wanted_ me that night, you still loved  _her_  more. So, I did what I had to do; to protect you, to protect our child and to protect myself.” She dropped her chin, unable to meet his eyes any longer. “If you’d ever done anything to indicate telling you wouldn’t have been a complete disaster for all of us, of course I would have told you!”

            “But...”

            “I love you, Anakin.” She looked up at him again and he stared at her in surprise. “I love you with my whole heart, with everything I am. Why do you think I fought so hard to prove myself to you? Why do you think I worked so hard? Why do you think for three years I did everything I could to stand by you no matter what? All of it was for you. Always for you. I wanted you to be proud of me.”

            “I was...”

            “I wanted you to be impressed.” She continued, not wanting to be interrupted until she’d made her point. “I wanted you to notice. I wanted you to see...  _me_.” She blinked away the tears and crossed her arms, rubbing them as a chill ran through her. “But when I needed you the most, you couldn’t see me breaking. You fought so I could stay, but you never asked if I wanted to. You proved me innocent to the eyes of the Republic but ignored the way the council you followed betrayed me. And how they betrayed you. No matter how much you disagreed with them, you wouldn’t leave. You let them break you down, you let them tear you apart piece by piece. And then you asked me to stay so they could do the same to me. I left because I finally saw the truth, the truth I'd been denying since the very first day I’d noticed you... I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t save you  _or_  love you, because you didn’t want  _me_  to.”

            “Ahsoka...”

            “So go ahead, make it about yourself. Everything is always about you. All you ever see, Anakin, is what  _you_  want. You never see what anybody else wants.” She looked up at him sadly, hating the pain she read in his features. Hating that she was causing it. But these were things that should have been said ages ago. These were things he needed to hear. “Go ahead, tell me how I betrayed you by taking care of myself and our child. Tell me how I failed you by walking away and trying to find the courage to stand on my own again. Tell me how terrible I am for lying to you about something I knew you weren’t ready to deal with. Tell me I was worthless for always putting your wants and needs first. Tell me how nobody loves you or cares about you despite them running themselves into the ground hoping to just be noticed by you. Tell me! I want to hear you say it!”

            His mouth was agape by the time she was done with her rant. She hadn’t exactly meant to go that far with it, but it had been bottled up inside for too long. Yeah, he was right, she hadn’t thought about what  _she’d_  wanted when she’d left. Because what she’d wanted was impossible. She’d simply done what she’d always done, sacrificed her dreams to protect him and now to protect their child. She’d accepted her lot in life and tried to make the best of it, justifying every sacrifice as part of the greater good.

            And now he had the audacity to come along and imply that every choice she’d made was wrong. That everything would have turned out just fine if she’d only told him. That they could have worked things out,  _together_. But what he didn’t get was that she knew him better than that. She’d always known him better. But how would he notice that when it was obvious he’d never noticed anything else?

            “You can’t, can you?” she whispered after watching his mouth work for awhile but it made no sounds. “Rex was right; I’d never give up on you, ever. Even when I should have.”

            It was her that turned her back this time as she made her way over to her bed and dropped down onto the edge. How was it possible to love someone so much but at the same time, hurt so bad because of it? She dropped her face in her hands, ignoring the way her elbows ground into her knees. 

            Every day, from the moment she’d found out she was pregnant, she’d wanted to tell him the truth. Every day she’d hoped if she did, he’d be excited and happy and  _want_  to go on this new adventure with her. But then every day, she’d remember that he loved the senator. That having a child with his padawan was the last thing he’d ever want. That she would never ever be the one he chose first. No matter what she did for him or how many times she stood by his side when nobody else had. A year away hadn’t changed that at all. 

            And now here he was; recovering after some kind of dark side fever, having to face the loss of the person he’d always loved more along with their future. And the other Jedi and the clones. And the betrayal by the chancellor. And still, despite everything he’d heard her say while he’d been feverish, or everything she’d done for him, he still refused to see  _her_. Which was an incredibly stupid thing to be angry about in a moment where everything they’d ever known was crumbling around them, but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop the way it burned her insides and tore her heart into pieces. She couldn’t stop the icy chills of jealousy that ran through her. 

            And for once she wanted him to hurt. Despite all the ways she’d already known he was in pain. She wanted  _him_  to hurt for  _her_. She wanted him to know what he’d done to her, and how her devotion to him had created the deepest darkest chasm of aching and longing inside her. She wanted him to feel it too. So maybe, for one second, he’d stop acting like the world revolved around him. Chosen one or not.

            Neither of them moved for a long time. He seemed frozen in indecision and it was taking all her strength to stay above the tidal waves of ache and suffering that washed through her like a violent storm. Had she always felt this way? Had this pain been buried so deep inside her she’d never noticed it? Or was the dark side fever contagious? Was it taking over her too? If so, could she trust him to care for her like she’d done for him or would he abandon her after all of that?

            She fell back on the bed, rolling towards the wall and pulled her knees up into a fetal position. She started weeping uncontrollably, unable to hold it in anymore. Well at least no matter what happened to her, she knew Rex would take care of Ashla.

            She wasn’t sure how long she cried before she felt the bed move behind her. She didn’t really react when he pulled her back against his chest and wrapped his arms around her waist. She had no idea how long she cried while he held her like everything would be alright. And maybe it would be, she just couldn’t see it yet. 

            He didn’t speak. He didn’t say anything to comfort her. She wasn’t sure if it would comfort her anyways. But after awhile she realized he was crying too. He wasn’t sniffling or sobbing like her, but she could feel it. So, they laid there, crying out all their pain until they were both raw and empty and their eyes burned. And despite how awful it was to release such a torrent of emotion, when the tears finally faded, she did feel better. Maybe the fever wasn’t contagious after all. Maybe she’d just bottled up way too many years of shit she’d never realized was filling her to bursting. Maybe wanting him had created its own brand of suffering, the kind you don’t notice until you have a meltdown. And she still wanted to be mad, but she didn’t have the energy anymore. She was exhausted from the past few days. And without another thought, she let herself drift off.

 

\---

 

            It was dark again when she awoke the next time. How long had she slept? How long had it been since he’d been brought here? She had no sense of passing time. What was going on out there? Should they be helping? 

            She could still feel Anakin behind her, he’d pulled the blanket up over them both. As far as she could tell, he was asleep. She wasn’t sure what to think or feel right now, or about any of it at the moment. But she was glad he’d stayed despite what she’d said to him. Maybe they needed each other more than she’d thought. Despite what had happened with her trial and afterwards, every other time he’d been there for her. Maybe not the way she’d wanted, but he’d still been there. And to be honest, looking back on the things they’d seen during the war, it really was amazing how much shit they’d waded through and that they’d survived it. Even if everything was crumbling down now. 

            In every battle, despite her fear, his presence had always calmed her. There’d always been this sense that they’d be okay as long as they stuck together. And there were times it felt as though it were just the two of them against the world. That side by side they were stronger than they’d ever be apart. And she’d wondered a million times if she’d still feel that was when she was no longer his padawan and he no longer felt the same overprotectiveness to keep her safe. She’d wondered if he’d ever see her as an equal, or if he’d choose to run missions with her or would he be glad to wash his hands of her when her training was complete?

            She’d held out hope that maybe when she was a knight herself, when she was older, maybe things would change between them; for the better. And then he’d come to offer her comfort after her several weeks on Onderon and the nightmares and horrors she’d witnessed there. It had started as an innocent distraction, a few games, a way to forget... and it had turned into something far more than she’d thought possible. But since they’d never talked about that night afterwards, she’d tried desperately to let it go. To tell herself that it happened, she’d been hurting, he’d been there and... 

            She blinked a few times; almost grateful she’d already cried all the tears she could cry. 

            He’d never come to her again, he’d never acted like it had changed anything. Sometimes she’d even wondered if he’d remembered it at all. So to protect herself, she’d locked the topic away. She never brought it up. She’d gone on as though it had never happened. And he’d seemed to do the same. But when she’d found out she was carrying his child, that their night of fun had turned into a lifelong commitment, she’d been forced to make a choice; turn to him like she’d always done, with the hope that he’d see her through this like he’d seen her through everything else or... face it alone. 

            The trial had given her a good enough reason to leave, but she might not of, had she not known she was pregnant. And the way he’d begged her to come back after fighting so hard for her to be able to stay, had almost,  _almost_  made her turn to him. But then she’d looked up in his eyes and she saw all his fears. She’d seen all his pain and insecurities. She’d seen his selfish need to keep her there even if it broke them both and in that moment, she’d known... no matter what it cost her to walk away, she had to. She’d taken herself out of the equation, so that he could have all the things he feared letting go. 

            His true love, his status, his position, his purpose, his security, his life. 

            “You were right,” he said suddenly. She hadn’t even known he was awake too.

            “Of course I was.”

            “Of course you were,” he murmured. He sounded hoarse, and actually she did too. “If I panicked when Padmé told me she was pregnant, I certainly would have panicked if you’d told me you were.” He tried to laugh, but she heard the hollowness in it. 

            “You think?” she smirked to herself finally feeling enough energy again to be her old snippy self. He didn’t say anything for awhile and the only reason she knew he hadn’t gone back to sleep was because he was rubbing little circles absentmindedly on the back of her hands. 

            “What do you want, Ahsoka?” he asked finally. “What do  _you_ , want?”

            “I’ve never thought about it.”

            “Well think about it now.” She wasn’t sure if he’d meant it to come off like a command, but it had kind of felt like one. 

            She curled her lips wondering how to answer that question. “I want that night we shared to mean something.”

            “It does.” He pulled her tighter and kissed her softly on the cheek. 

            “I want you to stop living in your head and look around occasionally.”

            “I’ll try,” he murmured. “What else?” She screwed up her face wondering if she even knew what she was asking for or if she’d be able to communicate it to him. 

            “I want to go on a picnic on Shili,” she said finally. “The three of us together, as a family. And Rex will be there too, and everything will feel like it’s okay and like we have our entire lives ahead of us. And unlimited possibilities. And I want us to smile and laugh and watch our daughter play like she’s the most beautiful and precious thing in the universe. And then I want you to look at me with love and tell me how happy you are there with me, with us...” Her voice cracked and she lost all the humor and hope she’d felt in her fantasy. “But I don’t want it because I asked for it. I want you to  _want_  to be there. And trust me, I’ll know if you’re pretending.”

            If he’d thought what she said was silly, he didn’t laugh. In fact, as the silence dragged on, she started wondering if he was trying to figure out how to gently tell her that would never happen. Or come up with reasons why it couldn’t or wouldn’t. There were too many unknowns, there was no way he could promise that. 

            “Done.” It was just one word, but it  _was_  a promise. One she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, he’d deliver. Maybe there was hope for them after all.

 

\---Five Years Later---

 

            “Daddy!” Ashla called from the top of the hill and she stopped walking and looked up, smiling as Ashla laughed and spun around. “Hurry up!”

            “I’m coming, I’m coming!” Anakin pretended to huff as though he were out of breath, slowing down to a crawl just to drive Ashla nuts.

            “Come on, come on!” She ran towards him but partway there she either tripped or decided she wanted to go faster, because she disappeared into the turu grass. She could hear the unmistakable sounds of rustling as she rolled quickly towards him. The next thing she knew, Anakin bent over and lifted her high above his head and spun around. Ashla giggled as she threw her arms out to the side as though she were flying. “Faster!” she commanded, and Anakin obeyed, speeding up his twirl until he started wobbling. 

            Then they both disappeared into the turu grass and she chuckled to herself as she made her way towards them. She smiled when she saw Ashla sprawled across his chest, pointing up at the clouds and talking about all the things they reminded her of. Anakin looked as though he were hanging on her every word. She doubted he’d ever listened to a briefing as intently as he listened to their daughter. 

            He’d never wanted to be a father. That’s what he’d told her. She’d known it too, that’s why she hadn’t told him she was pregnant when she left the order. Well, one of many reasons. But for someone who’d never wanted to be one, he’d taken to it as though it were the most natural thing in the world. 

            The last few years had been rough. Not because they had a kid to raise but because of the state of the galaxy. It had taken so much hard work to finally stop the chancellor’s evil plans. Much to his chagrin, he’d woefully underestimated what motivated Anakin. He’d thought for sure that losing Padmé and the twins would destroy Anakin beyond repair, and normally... it might of. But because of Rex’s insistence on bringing him to her, she’d been able to ride out the fever with him. And together they’d found light in the darkest night. 

            _Ashla._ Her natural bond with both of them probably singlehandedly held them together when everything was falling apart. But since Jedi weren’t allowed to have children, she could only wonder if it was normal to have that instinctual connection. Even at three months old, Ashla had known who her father was and had clung to him. Healing a hole in his heart that had been shattered by all the losses he’d endured. And despite his uncertainty about being a parent and what that meant, he’d let her in. And they’d been best friends ever since. Admittedly she was jealous sometimes. 

            But Ashla also gave him a purpose. His fierce need to protect her, meant that the Chancellor’s manipulations fell on deaf ears. He fought harder than he’d ever had to keep her alive and to not let the chancellor hurt her. 

            With the help of the surviving Jedi and some of the other clones that hadn’t turned on them, and then a larger force of people willing to battle the rising Empire, eventually they’d won. People had rallied behind him, the hero of the clone wars, the hero with no fear. If he was still fighting, they could too. 

            She glanced over her shoulder at Rex who was making his way slowly up the hill. He’d insisted on carrying everything despite her offering to help him multiple times. She shook her head at his stubbornness and headed in his direction. 

            “I’m getting old,” he complained as she took half of the stuff from him.

            “No you’re not,” she replied.

            “Well I’m definitely out of shape.”

            “I don’t believe you,” she laughed, patting him on the cheek. 

            “Well I’m definitely something,” he muttered, pretending to be grumpy. 

            “Something awesome!” Anakin said popping his head up out of the tall grass. 

            “Why won’t you guys just let me complain?”

            “Because this is a happy day. And a much needed one,” she replied. 

            “Uncle Rex!” Ashla shouted, leaping to her feet and racing towards him. 

            “Whoa there, little nexu,” Rex laughed when she threw her arms around his legs. “You’re going to knock this old geezer right off his feet.” Ashla looked up at him with an impish smile. “Uh oh, I know that look.”

            She giggled and grabbed his hand, dragging him along with impressive strength towards the top of the hill. In order to keep up with her, he’d been forced to drop all the stuff he’d been carrying. 

            Anakin came over and stood next to her as they watched Rex and Ashla race each other to the top. “Does she ever run out of energy?”

            “Never,” she laughed.

            “I was afraid of that,” he muttered and bent over to help her gather the stuff Rex had dropped, then they followed them up the hill.

            “That’s why I wanted us to walk here. I thought it might wear her out.”

            He glanced at her and raised a brow as if to tell her that had been a ridiculous notion. “Right.”

            She playfully pushed him, and he staggered slightly. “Race you to the top!” She took off running.

            “Hey now! No fair!” he shouted after her, sprinting to catch up. She was laughing so hard she was wheezing by the time she collapsed on the plateau. He dropped to his knees next to her releasing his hold on all the luggage. “Have you always been that fast?”

            “Have you already forgotten all the times I beat you?” She rolled to the side and propped herself up on her elbow to look at him.

            “I only remember me winning,” he muttered, giving her a smirk.

            “Then you must not have very many memories of our games.” She pouted and then laughed when he gave her an annoyed look.

            Ashla came over and dropped between them and she sat up to hug her daughter closer to her. “Alright you three,” Rex said, joining them. “Hold still for two seconds so I can take a picture.” Ashla obediently turned, smiling up at the veteran captain. She turned too, feeling a sense of peace she’d been starting to wonder if she’d ever know. It had been a long time coming, but they’d finally been able to do something normal. Well, if you could call going to Shili, trekking through the grasslands and climbing the hill, normal. She wasn’t even sure she knew what normal meant. But if this was it, she’d take it everyday for the rest of her life.

            She was trying to focus as Rex prepared to take the picture, but she noticed Anakin had sat up and was staring at her instead of the camera. “What?” she asked, looking at him.

            “Just thinking about stuff.” She raised her brow at him.

            “Like?” she prompted when he didn’t continue. She liked the way he was looking at her, even if she felt the heat rising in her cheeks. It was crazy to think about how they’d ended up here after so much… well… pain. Despite the way they’d curled up crying out their exhaustion from the fever and loss and darkness, they hadn’t immediately just fallen together.

            His focus after that had mainly been on stopping the Chancellor and though he’d stepped somewhat into a fatherly role with Ashla, after finally meeting her in person, he’d been distant with her for a long time. Not in physical proximity or anything, just emotionally. And she’d given him all the space he’d needed. He had a lot of things he had to work through, and she’d supported him anyway she could. But it had been rough. Very rough. There were tidal waves of anger, there were times he’d get frustrated. There were times he’d go from trying to break something to crying within seconds of each other. And she’d tried her best to be patient with him through all of it. Especially since she knew she’d hurt him with the words she’d said that night. Hurt him when he’d already been hurting.

            Not to mention they’d had to deal with the backlash of their relationship and the result after reuniting with the surviving Jedi. But in no position to tell them off, it had simply swirled around them like a cloud of discontent and disappointment. Some of them had been more understanding than others, but master Yoda and a few of the members of the surviving council had been the harshest about it.

            But also, she’d tried not to push. After losing the senator, he’d needed time to mourn. To decide what he wanted out of life. And though she’d been jealous that he’d been willing to keep a relationship with Ashla, she’d wondered multiple times if he’d ever want her too. Or worse, if she’d ruined her chances by asking for it in a very painful way at a time he was incredibly vulnerable. He’d been grateful she’d worked him through that fever, and even admitted nobody else probably would have. But he’d still kept his distance. Sometimes she thought she saw want in his eyes, but he never acted on it. With the war against the Chancellor, she’d tried to throw her focus onto more important matters, but admittedly… being around him so much and yet not being able to continue the relationship they’d once had, had slowly been eating away at her. Sometimes it hadn’t even felt like they were still friends.

            And then one day it had just changed. As though the darkness had been lifted or he’d finally decided she was what he wanted. They’d fallen back together as though they’d never been apart. The day after their rebellion had defeated the Chancellor, he’d suggested going for a picnic on Shili. With everything going on in the past few years, she’d forgotten all about the dream she’d told him that night. Now he was sitting here next to her, with Ashla between them, staring at her as though she was the only person he’d ever wanted, and her heart was fluttering in her chest.

            “I admit,” he said finally. “I never thought it was possible to be this happy.” She was torn from her thoughts and stared at him in disbelief. If there’d been even the slightest hint of a falsehood in his words, she hadn’t heard it.

            “You’re happy?” she asked.

            “Yeah,” he whispered. “Very.” He moved like he was going to touch her but dropped his hand when the camera clicked. She’d forgotten all about the camera, and Rex. “Who knew that what I’d always dreamed of had been right in front of me the whole time?”

            “Well…” She rolled her lips. “There were a lot of distractions with the war and all.”

            A shadow crossed his features, but it disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. “Yeah, distractions.” Ashla had gotten up and run towards Rex, begging to see the picture, but she still couldn’t take her eyes off Anakin. It felt like what he was about to say would define her entire life. “The Chancellor said that to fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One, I was supposed to become a Sith.”

            “He could have been lying,” she said quickly.

            “Perhaps, but I don’t think so.”

            “Well you didn’t.”

            “Yeah I know.” He scooted closer to her. “I can’t stop thinking about what he’d said, about trying to get you out of the picture. I’ve thought about it from every angle, wondering why you were such a threat to him. Why you and Ashla were able to block him when nothing else could.”

            “And?” she asked as he brought his hand up to touch her cheek.

            “Love.” He leaned forward and kissed her, softly at first. Then when she parted her lips, responding eagerly, he kissed her harder. “The opposite of the dark side isn’t the light side, it’s love.”

            “You think my love protected you?”

            “Well yeah, but I think the reason you were a threat was because of _my_ love for you.” She tipped her head and studied him. “I wanted you that night, Ahsoka. I’d wanted you for a long time. I didn’t recognize it at first because of… well, _distractions_. I thought I’d loved Padmé and maybe I did, but it was always twisted or strangled by fear. Loving her was a kind of agony, like the more I did, the more it hurt. I thought that’s just what love was like. And then you came along… and you showed me a very different kind of love. One that made me feel lighter and better, not in constant pain. I had fears about losing you too, but they didn’t twist it the same way, I’m not sure why. I told you about how hearing your voice during that fever gave me hope, but I think it also gave me strength. At first, I was kind of mad at you for doing something so foolish, like trying to figure out who was controlling me, and when he turned on you, I felt like a useless witness to very possibly, your end. And in that moment, I felt a similar rush of warmth like when you’d put Ashla on my chest and suddenly I had the strength and power to reach through and pull you back. With everything going on, I didn’t have time to really process it.”

            “Understandable,” she breathed. “It was a lot to take in, and me keeping the truth from you probably didn’t help.”

            “No, it didn’t. But you were right, you know? I was so blind. I’d been denying my feelings for so long because I was afraid. I had no idea of what I was doing to you, or that I’d lost the only person that had truly loved me.”

            “A lot of people loved you,” she started.

            “Not like you did.”

            “Well…” She blushed and looked down, breaking their eye contact finally.

            “When I held you that night, when we both laid there and cried, I think I finally let you in. I know it didn’t feel like that the past few years, and I’m sorry. But I didn’t want to promise you anything until I was sure I could give you what you deserved. And well… I’m ready now. If I’m not too late.”

            She looked up at him again and as sweet as his words were, a snippy response popped into her head and she couldn’t help it. “Better late than never.”

            He smiled so big and so genuinely that she was certain her heart melted. “I love you, Ahsoka. And I promise every day, you’re going to know just how much.”


End file.
